Why Narcissists Humiliate Their Partners in Front of Others?

The biggest mistake you’re making with narcissistic partners and how to fix it: You tolerate their public humiliation because you think they’re maybe in a bad mood or it’s just a slip of the tongue. But here’s the truth: It’s deliberate, and it’s all about controlling. “What are you going to do? Huh? Choke me? Whoa, whoa, hey, excuse me! Stop, stop!” Narcissists don’t just want power behind closed doors. They want to break you down where everyone can see. Today, we’ll talk about the 10 reasons why narcissists humiliate their partners in front of others.

1. To establish public dominance.

Humiliation isn’t random. It’s a calculated move to establish dominance. Narcissists don’t just want power; they want visible power. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on narcissistic abuse, explains that public shaming is one of the narcissist’s go-to tactics to assert control and undermine their partner’s confidence. When they insult you in public, it’s not just to insult you. It’s to prove they’re in control. They want you to second-guess yourself, feel small, and, most importantly, be too afraid to challenge them.

This tactic also strengthens their image. While they tear you down, they build themselves up, positioning themselves as the strong one in the relationship. It’s a psychological trick straight out of the narcissist’s playbook: make you feel weak so they can feel superior. Over time, this wears down your self-esteem, making you more dependent on them for approval.

According to Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, the more fragile a narcissist feels inside, the more they try to control others to feel powerful. So, if a narcissist is publicly humiliating you, it’s not about you. It’s about their insecurity. The only way to break free is to stop playing their game. Because the moment you stop reacting, they lose their power.

2. To destroy their partner’s self-worth.

Dr. Joseph Burgo, author of The Narcissist You Know, explains that narcissists erode their partner’s confidence so they become more emotionally dependent. Narcissists know that a confident, self-assured person is harder to control. So, they chip away at your self-worth, one public humiliation at a time. By embarrassing you in front of others, they plant seeds of self-doubt, making you question your value. It’s like a toxic cycle.

Every insult, every joke at your expense, and every eye roll in front of an audience makes you feel smaller. Over time, you start believing their narrative, and that’s exactly what they want. The weaker you feel, the less likely you are to leave. This is psychological warfare disguised as “just a joke” or “constructive criticism.” But let’s be real: there’s nothing constructive about being humiliated.

The goal is to make you second-guess yourself so much that you start seeking their approval, even after they’re the ones tearing you down. But here’s the truth: Your value isn’t defined by someone who needs to crush you to feel powerful. The moment you recognize this, you take back your power, because a narcissist’s worst nightmare is a partner who realizes they deserve better.

3. To isolate their partner.

The easiest way to control someone is to cut them off from anyone who might remind them of their worth. Narcissists don’t just want to hurt you; they want to own you. And one of the most effective ways to do that is by imprisoning you in their world. Public humiliation is their weapon of choice because it doesn’t just damage your confidence; it also pushes you away from others.

When they embarrass you in front of friends, family, or co-workers, you start dreading social interactions. Dr. Lundy Bancroft, author of *Why Does He Do That?*, explains that abusers systematically break down their partner’s support system so they feel they have nowhere else to turn. You withdraw from others, skip gatherings, and soon, the only one left is the narcissist, who is the source of your misery in the first place. This is how they tighten their grip.

The more isolated you become, the more you rely on them for validation, even when they’re the ones tearing you down. But here’s the truth: The people who truly love you will never make you feel ashamed of yourself. The moment you start reconnecting with those who see your worth, the narcissist’s hold weakens, because nothing scares them more than you realizing you don’t need them.

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4. To shift attention away from their insecurities.

The loudest critics often have the most to hide. Narcissists may act superior, but deep down, they’re terrified of being exposed. Their confidence is just a fragile mask, and the last thing they want is for anyone to see their weaknesses. So, they turn the spotlight on their partners by humiliating them. That way, they ensure no one is looking too closely at them. Dr. Carol McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, explains that narcissists live in constant fear of being seen as inadequate, so they project their flaws onto others.

Instead of admitting their shortcomings, they tear you down to make themselves feel powerful. If they can convince the world and you that you’re the problem, they get to avoid facing their deep-seated insecurities. This tactic isn’t just about making you feel small; it’s about making themselves feel untouchable. When they crack a cruel joke at your expense or call you out in front of others, it creates a distraction.

Suddenly, everyone is focused on your reaction instead of questioning why the narcissist always needs to put others down. But here’s the irony: The more they work to hide their insecurities, the more obvious they become. Because truly confident people don’t need to humiliate others to feel powerful. They already know their worth.

5. To gaslight and confuse.

Narcissists don’t just humiliate you. They also make you doubt whether it even happened the way you know it did. They’ll mock you in front of others or point out your flaws in a way that stings. But the moment you react, they flip the script: “Relax, I was just joking!” Or worse, “Wow, you’re so sensitive.” This is classic gaslighting, a psychological manipulation tactic designed to make you question your reality.

Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, explains that gaslighters use subtle put-downs and then deny wrongdoing to make their victims feel unstable. And that’s precisely the goal. The more they convince you that you’re overreacting, the less likely you are to stand up for yourself. Over time, this messes with your confidence. You start second-guessing everything until you stop trusting your own emotions.

And that’s when the narcissist wins, because if they can control your perception, they can control you. But here’s the truth: Your feelings are valid. If something hurt, it wasn’t “just a joke.” And the moment you stop accepting their excuses is the moment you start taking back your power.

6. To impress or entertain others.

Narcissists treat their partner like a punchline. That’s not humor; it’s humiliation in disguise. For some narcissists, putting you down in public isn’t just about control; it’s about performance. They love an audience, and if making you the butt of the joke earns them laughs, admiration, or attention, they’ll do it without hesitation. Dr. Sandy H. Hotchkiss, author of Why Is It Always About You?, explains that narcissists crave validation so much that they’ll sacrifice their closest relationships just to get it.

In their minds, making you look foolish makes them look clever. It’s not about fun; it’s about feeding their fragile ego. And if people laugh along, it only reinforces their behavior, making them more likely to do it again. The worst part? They expect you to play along. If you call them out, they’ll accuse you of ruining the mood or not being able to take a joke.

A loving partner doesn’t need to humiliate you to be funny. So, if someone treats you like a prop for their comedy routine, remember this: You’re not being too sensitive. You’re recognizing disrespect for what it is.

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7. To punish their partners for asserting themselves.

Any sign of independence is a threat to narcissists. Dr. Steven Stosny, author of Love Without Hurt, explains that narcissists use shame as a weapon to keep their partners in a submissive role. If you dare to challenge them, voice your own opinion, or prove them wrong, they won’t forget it. But instead of addressing it directly, they wait for the perfect moment to strike usually in public, where the humiliation stings even more.

They humiliate you to teach you a lesson about thinking twice before asserting yourself. And the more this happens, the more you start walking on eggshells, avoiding anything that might trigger their wrath. Over time, you learn that speaking up equals punishment, and staying quiet equals peace. This is how narcissists maintain dominance: by making you afraid to be yourself.

But here’s what they don’t want you to realize: Their reaction isn’t a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of their fear. They belittle you because, deep down, your strength threatens them. And the moment you recognize this, you take back the power they’ve been trying so hard to steal.

8. To turn others against their partners.

Public humiliation isn’t just about making you feel small. It’s about making sure no one else comes to your defense. Narcissists want to control how others see their partners by mocking or belittling them in front of friends, family, or co-workers. Over time, people might start believing their narrative, questioning whether their partner is the problem.

Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing, explains that manipulative people create false impressions to shift blame and maintain control. The more they make you look weak or irrational, the harder it becomes for you to reach out for support, because the very people who should be in your corner are second-guessing you.

If they can make others laugh at you instead of standing up for you, they weaken your support system without ever needing to lift a finger. The moment you recognize this tactic for what it is, you stop playing their game. Real friends don’t laugh at your pain, and anyone who does was never on your side to begin with.

9. To keep their partners in a state of fear.

As Dr. Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail, warns, fear-based relationships are built on control, not love. Narcissists thrive on keeping their partners in a constant state of fear, never knowing when the next humiliation will hit. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you keep tiptoeing around them, second-guessing every word and constantly adjusting your behavior just to avoid another public attack.

And that’s exactly where they want you: too anxious to challenge them and too exhausted to leave. This cycle of humiliation and anxiety is what keeps you trapped. The fear of public embarrassment becomes so overwhelming that you start bending over backward to keep the narcissist happy. But here’s the hard truth: Nothing you do will ever be enough.

Their attacks aren’t about your behavior; they’re about their need for power. The moment you recognize this, the spell starts to break. Real love doesn’t keep you in a state of fear. It makes you feel safe, respected, and valued. And the sooner you step out of their psychological trap, the sooner you reclaim your peace.

10. To test how much their partners tolerate.

How much abuse will you take before you finally say enough? Narcissists don’t just humiliate their partners for fun. They do it to test their patience and boundaries. If you laugh it off, stay quiet, or even try to rationalize their behavior, they take it as permission to push further. Dr. Vanessa Brown, a psychologist specializing in toxic relationships, explains that manipulators gradually increase their level of disrespect to see where your breaking point is.

If you don’t push back, they assume there isn’t one. That’s why the first few humiliations might seem mild or brushed off as jokes. But over time, the cruelty escalates, and before you know it, what once seemed like a rare moment of disrespect becomes a pattern you’ve learned to endure. This is how narcissists condition you to accept mistreatment: by normalizing it little by little. The more you tolerate, the more they push, training you to believe that standing up for yourself isn’t worth the fight.

Humiliation isn’t just a bad habit for a narcissist; it’s a weapon. They use it to keep you insecure, questioning yourself, and ultimately under their control. But here’s the thing: The moment you recognize this tactic for what it is, you take away its power. You don’t have to play their game. Because, at the end of the day, no one who truly loves you will ever feel the need to humiliate you.