Narcissism is a complex and often misunderstood personality pattern. While many people associate narcissism with arrogance and self-centeredness, it’s important to recognize that narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum. For those who suspect they may have narcissistic tendencies, the journey toward self-awareness and change can be challenging but deeply rewarding.
This article outlines 10 actionable steps to take if you believe you might be a narcissist. These steps are designed to help you cultivate self-awareness, improve your relationships, and foster personal growth. Whether you’re exploring this for yourself or someone you care about, these strategies can serve as a roadmap for positive change.
1. Be mindful
Mindfulness is the cornerstone of addressing narcissistic tendencies. It involves slowing down and paying attention to how you listen, speak, and respond to others. This means being present in the moment and considering how your words and actions affect those around you.
For example, before sending a text or email, pause and reflect on its potential impact. When someone shares their feelings, resist the urge to dismiss or invalidate their reality. Mindfulness requires you to flex a mental muscle that may feel unfamiliar, but with practice, it can lead to healthier interactions and greater self-awareness.
2. Eliminate the word “but” from your vocabulary
The word “but” is often a precursor to defensiveness, a hallmark of narcissistic behavior. When you say, “I know I said that, but…” you’re essentially dismissing the other person’s perspective.
Instead, practice active listening. If you disagree with someone, express your thoughts respectfully without undermining theirs. When called out for something you’ve said or done, avoid defending yourself or denying their experience. Acknowledge their feelings and commit to learning from the interaction.
3. Seek therapy
Therapy is essential for addressing narcissistic patterns and any co-occurring mental health issues. Narcissism often coexists with conditions like depression, anxiety, substance use, or trauma. A therapist can help you explore the developmental roots of your behavior, such as inconsistent parenting or past neglect, and provide tools to manage stress, disappointment, and interpersonal conflicts.
Therapy also offers a safe space to build empathy, accountability, and healthier coping mechanisms. It’s a critical step for anyone committed to personal growth.
4. Practice gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful antidote to entitlement, a common trait in narcissistic individuals. By focusing on what you’re thankful for, you shift your attention away from superficial goals like admiration or material success and toward meaningful connections.
Make it a habit to express genuine gratitude to others. Recognize their contributions and appreciate the small joys in life. Over time, this practice can help you develop a deeper sense of fulfillment and connection.
5. Focus on meaning and purpose
Narcissistic individuals often chase superficial goals, such as wealth, status, or winning. To break this pattern, shift your focus to activities that provide a sense of meaning and purpose.
Ask yourself: What do I stand for? What legacy do I want to leave behind? Engage in activities that connect you to something larger than yourself, whether it’s volunteering, mentoring, or pursuing a passion project. This shift can lead to greater emotional fulfillment and a more balanced sense of self.
6. Learn to make amends
If you have narcissistic tendencies, you’ve likely hurt others—whether intentionally or unintentionally. Making amends is a crucial step toward healing these relationships.
Apologize sincerely and take responsibility for your actions. Understand that not everyone will accept your apology, and that’s okay. The goal is to demonstrate genuine remorse and a commitment to change.
7. Create new responses
Narcissistic individuals often react impulsively under stress or disappointment, lashing out at others instead of managing their emotions constructively. To break this pattern, develop healthier ways to cope.
For example, take a break before responding to a stressful situation. Practice deep breathing, count to 10, or engage in physical activity to release tension. Over time, these new responses can help you navigate challenges more effectively.
8. Take responsibility for your actions
Narcissism is often characterized by denial, projection, and deceit. To counteract this, commit to owning your behavior. When you make a mistake, admit it without excuses or blame.
Taking responsibility can be uncomfortable, but it’s also liberating. It frees you from cycles of shame and allows for genuine accountability and reconciliation.
9. Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, recognizing your shared humanity, and staying mindful of your emotions. For narcissistic individuals, this can be particularly challenging, as they often struggle with self-criticism and contempt for others.
Start by acknowledging your own hurts and wounds. Extend the same empathy to yourself that you would to a friend. Over time, this practice can help you develop greater empathy for others as well.
10. Turn narcissistic patterns around
Finally, take the core traits of narcissism and flip them on their head. Instead of seeking validation, offer it to others. Instead of lacking empathy, practice understanding. Instead of acting entitled, show humility.
For example, let someone go ahead of you in line, or acknowledge someone else’s achievements without feeling threatened. These small acts can help you break free from narcissistic patterns and build healthier relationships.