If you are doing these everyday habits, then you must interrupt them because they are not beneficial to your psychological well-being. It’s a lot easier said than done, isn’t it? When you’ve been subject to narcissistic abuse, sometimes habits stick around with you and you don’t even realize it. You assume you’re merely being cautious or considerate; however, in reality, such tendencies are outward expressions of extensive emotional traumas.
Today, I want to share with you the five daily habits that reveal you were a victim of narcissistic abuse. Are you ready for number one?
Number 1: You feel guilty when you sleep.
Narcissistic abuse conditions your brain to think sleeping is selfish. When you were with the narcissist, every time you had some time to yourself, you likely heard them say, “Must be nice to do nothing,” or, “You should be doing something to help me.” Eventually, this constant pressure reprograms your mind so that you’ll feel uncomfortable if you’re not working, washing dishes, or keeping yourself busy. Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, the author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains that narcissistic environments make people feel as if their needs don’t count.
It makes them over function just to feel valued. Even after escaping the abuse, this guilt doesn’t disappear overnight. You might find it hard to have a free weekend because you feel you ought to be doing something. That’s because your nervous system learned to associate calmness with peril. When you slowed down last time, there were consequences, whether guilt-tripping, not speaking, or verbal criticism. The truth is rest is no luxury but necessity. Your mind and body need downtime to mend, sort feelings, and charge up.
If this is tough for you, start small. Try to remind yourself that resting doesn’t make you lazy or less worthy; it makes you human. You can even challenge the guilt by stating, “Who benefits if I think this?” It takes some time to get beyond this kind of thinking, but as Dr. Nicole LePera, author of How to Do the Work, says, “Healing happens when you stop abandoning yourself and start prioritizing your needs.” So take the break; you deserve it.
Number 2: You overthink texts and conversations.
Do you catch yourself re-reading texts multiple times before sending them or, worse, after sending them? You’ve mastered the art of walking on eggshells. Narcissistic abuse teaches you that one misstated word can begin an argument, a snub, or a freeze-out. Now every message is like a trap in the making. You catch yourself wondering, “Did I sound rude?” or, “Will they get this the wrong way?” It’s exhausting. Clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains how narcissists establish a dynamic where victims second-guess themselves all the time.
Even in live conversations, you might rewind scenes in your head, measuring tone and expression: “Did I come on too forceful? Too clingy? Did I offend them?” The habit is a survival response. You’ve learned the narcissist’s mood can change in a heartbeat about something trivial, and you’re left scrambling to figure out what you did wrong. Psychologist Dr. Karyl McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?
Terms this “narcissistic-induced self-doubt,” where victims start to question whether they can speak normally because they were conditioned to expect backlash for merely existing. The truth is, most individuals aren’t reading your words in the way you are reading them. Healthy relationships do not require you to decode hidden meanings or wait for another person’s unspoken wrath.
If you catch yourself getting worked up over a silly text or conversation, try to stop and ask yourself, “Would a reasonable person be upset about this?” Most likely, the answer is no. Practice releasing the things that you have no control over, such as the narcissist’s reactions.
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Number 3: You keep checking to see if doors are locked.
When you find yourself double-, triple-, or quadruple-checking whether you’ve locked the door, you’re acting out of a place of underlying fear. Narcissistic abuse trains you to live in a state of hypervigilance, constantly expecting something awful to happen. After years of existence while in a state of fear, your brain will condition itself to scan for danger even when there is none. Dr. Judith Herman, in Trauma and Recovery, explains how long-term abuse reconditions the brain to stay in a fight-or-flight state of being. It’s hard to ever really relax, even in your own house.
If a narcissist has made you feel helpless by invading your privacy, checking locks over and over is a way to feel like you have some control. But the irony is this: even when you’ve double-checked, you find yourself still thinking, “Did I lock it? What if I forgot?” That gut-wrenching insecurity is the result of years of being told that your memory is not to be trusted or that you’re not someone to be counted on.
As author Shannon Thomas of Healing from Hidden Abuse explains, “Survivors of psychological abuse often develop obsessive behaviors as a way to create predictability in a world that once felt completely unpredictable.” The good news? The behavior isn’t habitual. Recovery involves learning how to reassure yourself in better ways.
The next time you catch yourself checking the door for the fifth time, stop and remind yourself, “I locked it. I am safe.” If that helps, make a ritual out of it: say to yourself out loud, “Door locked,” when you do it, so your brain is aware of the action. undefined Your nervous system will begin to believe it after a while.
Number 4: You overclean your environment.
Do you always feel the need to scrub, arrange, and clean, even when things are already spotless? If so, you’re probably attempting to establish a sense of control in a world that previously seemed utterly unpredictable. A misplaced item, a dust speck, or an unfinished task might have set off the rage of the narcissist. Over time, your brain starts to associate cleanliness with safety. As trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, trauma survivors often engage in compulsive behaviors to create a sense of order in their environment when their inner world feels chaotic.
This overcleaning habit isn’t just about keeping things tidy; it’s about avoiding conflict, even if there’s no one left to criticize you. When you’ve spent years nitpicking every aspect of your every move, you learn to prepare for judgment ahead of time. You’ll find yourself washing a pristine counter, not because it needs it, but because it soothes your nerves.
The next time you find yourself needing to clean obsessively, stop and ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I have to?” Recovery is about allowing yourself to be in a place that isn’t perfect and understanding that a little mess will not bring chaos into your life. Over time, you will see that true control is emerging from the understanding that you’re safe, even when everything isn’t ideal.
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Number 5: You neglect self-care routines, including hygiene.
You’ve Been blessed by many, you’ve most likely spent so long prioritizing the narcissist that you’ve lost touch with how to look after yourself. Dr. Annie Kaszina, author of Do You Choose Your Abuser Over Yourself?, explains that victims of emotional abuse tend to get into a pattern of self-neglect because they’ve been taught that their needs are inconsequential. When your mind is weighed down by years of dominance, even such a simple activity as washing your face can become an impossible task. Neglecting cleanliness may also be a subconscious rebellion act.
Maybe you were forced to be someone else or mocked despite how hard you worked on your appearance. If your abuser constantly criticized what you wore, your hair, or your body, self-care may be for nothing. Why bother if you’re going to get judged anyway?
But don’t forget this: reclaiming self-care is a powerful step to take back control. You don’t have to go from zero to full-on skincare strategy in one night. Start small: wash your face, wear clean clothes, or wash your hair. These tiny moments of self-respect inform your brain that you’re important.
As trauma specialist Sarah Woodhouse describes, “Caring for yourself isn’t about vanity; it’s about telling yourself every day, ‘I am worth the effort.'” Breaking these habits is not going to happen overnight, and that’s fine. Healing from narcissistic abuse is a process, not a quick fix.
What matters is you’re now recognizing how the past is still dictating your life, and that alone is a positive. Be kind to yourself, place boundaries, and never lose sight of you’re deserving of peace, not constantly questioning yourself. Bit by bit, you will restore your strength and start living for you.
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