Narcissists are often skilled conversationalists, drawing people in with their charm and charisma. However, their words can be deeply damaging to your mental health. They manipulate, influence, and sometimes even brainwash those around them. You might not even realize you’ve been listening to a narcissist for a while until you start to feel uneasy, cringed, or annoyed by their behavior. Here are five key clues to identify a narcissist in conversation:
1: They dominate conversations with their life story
Narcissists love to talk about themselves. They often act as the narrator of their own lives, turning every conversation into a platform to highlight their achievements, struggles, or fantasies. You might notice they rarely ask about you or others instead, they steer the discussion back to themselves.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains, “Narcissists love to tell their stories and make themselves the center of attention. They are often the hero or the victim in their tales.” They also tend to interrupt or talk over others, as if holding an invisible remote control to mute everyone else. Their exaggerated stories and constant need for validation often fishing for compliments or boasting about unrealistic goals are clear signs of narcissism.
What to do: Don’t be afraid to assert yourself. Politely say, “I’d like to finish my point,” or “Let’s hear what others have to say.” If they continue to dominate, consider whether their self-centeredness is worth your time and energy.
2: They reject constructive criticism
Narcissists struggle to accept feedback, even when it’s constructive. While most people feel uncomfortable with criticism, narcissists react defensively or angrily because their ego is at stake. They believe they’re always right and can’t handle being told otherwise.
Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, notes, “Narcissists can’t stand to be criticized. To them, it’s like being hit by a truck.” When confronted, they often deflect blame or make excuses, refusing to take responsibility for their actions.
What to do: Frame feedback in a way that highlights how it benefits them. Use “I” statements instead of “you” to avoid triggering their defensiveness. If they continue to reject your input, it may be best to distance yourself before their frustration escalates.
3: They twist facts and gaslight
Narcissists often manipulate reality to suit their narrative, a tactic known as gaslighting. They might deny things they’ve said or done, making you question your own memory or perception. For example, if you say, “You told me this,” they might respond, “No, I never said that. You’re imagining things.”
Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, describes gaslighting as “the ultimate mind game.” It’s a way for narcissists to maintain control by keeping you off balance and doubting yourself.
What to do: Stay calm and assertive. Politely but firmly say, “I remember it differently,” or “I don’t agree with your version of events.” Documenting conversations through notes, texts, or emails can also help you maintain clarity and counter their distortions.
Read more: 7 Tactics to Destroy a Narcissist in Court
4: They offer unsolicited advice
Narcissists love to give advice, even when it’s not wanted. They act as if they have all the answers and expect you to follow their guidance without question. Their advice is often less about helping you and more about boosting their own ego.
As the saying goes, “Advice is like mushrooms the wrong kind can prove fatal.” Narcissistic advice is typically self-serving and can lead you astray rather than provide genuine support.
What to do: Set boundaries. You can say, “I appreciate your input, but I prefer to handle this my way.” Remember, you’re in control of your life, and their advice isn’t always worth taking.
5: They envy and belittle others
Narcissists struggle to celebrate others’ successes. If you share good news, they’ll downplay it or find a way to make it seem insignificant. Conversely, if you mention a failure, they’ll relish pointing out your mistakes. This behavior stems from their need to feel superior.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains that narcissists thrive on others’ misfortunes because it boosts their fragile ego. They carry a mental scoreboard, and your losses add points to their side.
What to do: Don’t let their envy or belittling affect you. As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Focus on your achievements and don’t let their negativity dim your light.
conclusion
If you’ve noticed these clues in someone’s behavior, you’re likely dealing with a narcissist. Conversations with them can leave you feeling mentally and emotionally drained, as they thrive on sucking energy from others. Protect your mental health by setting boundaries, limiting contact, or cutting ties if necessary. Remember, losing a narcissistic friend, relative, or partner is better than losing yourself. Stay aware, stay strong, and prioritize your well-being.
